A Season of Preparation

When I turned 70, something began to stir within me. I had been aware of it at other times in my life but never as intensely as this. Nor did I feel compelled to pay much attention to it then. I was probably living out Alan Alda's observation: "It's amazing that most of us live as if we're not gonna die". It was true. There were plenty of other things to occupy my time and focus. The finitude of life was not one of them, until now. Years ago, I read Daniel Levinson’s Seasons of a Man's Life, which mapped out the different phases of life men enter as they age – the infamous midlife crisis in the 30s, spiritual awakening in the 50s, and coming to grips with the end of life in the 70s. I’ve gone through each of those phases, paying a little more attention as I got older. And now the the final season, more than flirtation with the inevitable end of it all is upon me.

Keep in mind that I have not reached the end of my life. But I have become more focused on the fact that it's all going to come to an end sometime, sooner rather than later. Now at 73, I'm well into deficit spending, having moved past the biblical three score and ten years of life allotted to us all. So I am now going full on Kubler – Ross - experiencing the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, occasionally all at once, but mostly one or two at a time. This time I'm paying attention.

This is not new stuff. Many's the time I have had glimpses throughout my life, most often before, during, or after every funeral I've ever officiated, especially if it was for a person who died before their time (whatever that is). I never dwelled on the experience much, other than noticing that the older I got the more intellectually interested I was when it came over me. Now, through no effort on my part it’s affecting me emotionally, too. I am discovering, though trepidatiously, that when I pay attention, parse the feelings and examine myself a bit, I move closer to living with the reality in peace, the by product of acceptance. With acceptance comes Wisdom. With wisdom comes a fresh expression of life lived in the moment and not for the past or future as most of us are wont to do.

I thought writing about it would help me sort out the myriad thoughts and emotions that crop up and, through that writing, find some form to the chaos. It also dawns on me as I begin this is that waiting until you’re 70 to begin seems silly. Who doesn’t want to get more of what’s really important out of life as soon as they can? Perhaps, had I paid more attention in the past, my life might be different somehow now. Or not. I have no regrets really. just curiosity. And so begins Septuagesima.

Septuagesima is one of those high falutin' words that the church uses to set the liturgical year apart from the rest of the world (more like copping an attitude and keeping its nose in the air - but that's just me).

Septuagesima is Latin for 70th. The Sunday designated as Septuagesima Sunday (and you wouldnt know this unless you were an Episcopalian old enough to remember the 1928 Prayer Book, or Roman Catholic) falls on the ninth Sunday before Easter, 70 days from that Sunday to the Saturday of Easter Week. More importantly it is the beginning of Shrovetide (here's a reference for you – It’s also the beginning of Carnival or Mardi Gras) which is seventeen days from Septuagesima Sunday to Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent - a 40 something day fast to help us to renew our relationship with God and prepare us for Holy Week - Jesus's triumphal entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, the institution of the Eucharist and Jesus' washing his disciples' feet on Maundy Thursday, his betrayal, arrest and trial before Pontius Pilate, crucifixion and death on Good Friday, and his resurrection on Easter Sunday.

Shrovetide is an opportunity to prepare ourselves for Lent. A period of self examination to expose those things from which we need to fast before we actually begin Lent. The idea being that you can’t come to Ash Wednesday and just decide that day what your fast will be. It's more than just stopping smoking or giving up chocolate.

I thought that the idea of Shrovetide, a season of preparation, was a great metaphor for coming to grips with the finitude of life and coming to a deeper connection with our Higher Power and each other, however that may be perceived.

Septuagesima will be about my personal journey, understanding that my journey will not be yours. But this is not a blog about preparing to die. It is about learning to live each day to the fullest as if it were to be our last, setting aside fears and reconnecting with the Spirit which binds me to God and all Creation. To find the peace which assures me all will be well and life is still rich and meaningful for today, which is enough, because it's all I've got.